Dear Diary
by dydrmrnghtthnkr
Summary: The diaries of the Voltron fam. *this is very much crack **eventual klance
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

Okay. So normally I'm not a diary kind of guy, but um, Allura insisted the Paladins of Voltron write their thoughts down. Something about it helping to get more in sync with our feelings and making it easier to form Voltron? I don't know.

In any case, here I am. I'm Lance, Paladin of the Blue Lion and the hottest thing on this side of the solar system! You can't see me, but just know that I have _amazing_ hair. It's the softest. In the world. I also happen to have wonderful skin. (Keith may laugh at my skincare regimen but _trust me_ , I don't put that goop on my face for nothing!) Might I mention that I also have fantastical blue eyes? They're the color of the ocean waves. Really, I'm practically perfect. Okay Allura says we have to go to save some planet or other, but I'll be back later. Wouldn't want you to miss me!

LANCE

Dear Book,

Let's make something clear: I'm doing this _only_ because it'll help the team. There's no other reason.

Now that we've established that, I guess I should introduce myself? Lance was laughing maniacally just now. Pidge asked what he was doing and he said he was merely introducing himself to his "precious beloved diary." Whatever. You're obviously cooler. Oh right. Yeah. Introducing myself.

I'm Keith. I like swords. Happy?

Okay Allura just glared at me cause I'm not writing anymore. What the heck Allura? Hunk is over there laughing with Coran and looking at pictures and _I'm_ the one who gets yelled at? I call BS. Oh great, she's still glaring at me. I don't know what else to say, so I'm just going to pretend like I'm writing. Foolproof plan Keith, great job.

Oh great. The Arusians are in trouble. Again. Right okay I'm going to go now. Have to save the world and all. Bye.

Yellow!

Hi! My name's Hunk. Allura says to write feelings out so it'll help out the team or something. But I kept a diary at the Garrison so this'll be no different, right?

Anyways, I decided to name you Yellow because you are yellow. That's what color the cover is. Lance has blue, Keith has red, Pidge has green, etc, etc. Allura has a pink one and Coran's matches his mustache.

Allura said to write what interests us. And right now, food interests me. See, I'm trying to make a new flavor of food goo. Coran told us about this Altean dessert he enjoyed as a kid. Man, can you imagine a kid-sized Coran, mustache and all? Oh he's walking by now…one tick.

Coran just showed me the most amazing picture. I don't know why he keeps pictures of his mini-self on his person at all times, but man am I glad he does! He looks kinda cute actually.

Oh and that's the call to assemble. Got to go!

Day 1: Afternoon

An explanation:

I know that I should probably be writing in that nice green journal over there, and that yeah writing is more meaningful than typing and whatever, but I like tablets. A lot. So I'm just going to use a tablet and call that my diary.

You know, I thought this diary thing would be kind of awful. But I just realized: my diary is a tablet. A tablet I can upgrade to record things and program to type whatever I say. This is _great_!

All the things I could do…

Journal Entry #1

As the team leader of Voltron, I'm really glad Allura came up with this idea. Writing our feelings out is a great way to get us to more in tune with our emotions. Forming Voltron will become even easier than before. Although, I'm a little concerned about those emotions. Lance is doing a great imitation of an evil villain, Keith is scowling at his notebook, Hunk is…looking at baby pictures with Coran and writing about it? And Pidge is typing into a tablet with a gleam in her eyes that means _no one_ (and I mean _no one_ ) is safe from whatever she's planning to do next.

There's Allura with a call to action. Better go, don't want to keep the Princess waiting.

DEAR DIARY,

I AM FURIOUS. I CANNOT BELIEVE- NO. I _REFUSE_ TO BELIEVE IT. I WAS ONE TICK BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE. ONE TICK. AND ALLURA, FREAKING _ALLURA_ GOES "This was just a drill. Paladins, you _must_ do better next time." AND WE'RE CHILL AND ALL "Yes Princess we won't disappoint!" AND THEN SHE- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. SHE SAYS "Lance, you were the slowest. That warrants punishment." AND I'M LIKE LOL WHAT CAN SHE DO AND THEN SHE WHIPS OUT A CONTAINER OF MY SKINCARE PRODUCTS. _MY SKINCARE PRODUCTS_. S. AND PROCEEDS TO JUST DUMP IT. SHE EJECTS IT. FROM THE CASTLE. AND I'M UNDERSTANDABLY HORRIFIED BECAUSE HELLO? MY SKINCARE PRODUCTS HAVE JUST BEEN _EJECTED INTO SPACE WHERE I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN EVER_ \- AND SHE JUST SMIRKS. AND GOES, "That's why you don't switch peoples' shampoos with food goo." LIKE? THAT WAS AGES AGO. I APOLOGIZED _FIFTY THOUSAND TIMES_. CORAN JUST NODS IN AGREEMENT. AND SHIRO, BELOVED SPACE DAD THAT HE WAS, JUST SHRUGS AND SAYS, "Well Lance, you shouldn't have done that." I TURN TO HUNK, EXPECTING SOME SYMPATHY YOU KNOW? AND HE JUST GOES, "Well buddy, you kinda brought it upon yourself." AND PIDGE, THE LITTLE GREMLIN, JUST CACKLES AND POINTS A TABLET AT ME. WHAT THE HECK? AT LEAST KEITH WAS SYMPATHETIC. HE SAID IT WAS PRETTY MEAN ON ALLURA'S PART. WHICH IT WAS. ALL THAT SKINCARE…JUST GOING DOWN THE DRAIN. ALLURA BETTER WATCH HER BACK. I WILL GET MY REVENGE.

LANCE THE AVENGER ALLURA YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK HOW DARE YOU I AM APPALLED WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

Dear Book,

Good news: the Arusians aren't under attack. It was just a drill. Bad news: Lance is currently sobbing in the bathroom and angrily scribbling into his book.

See, he thought it would be funny to switch the shampoos with food goo. It washed pretty easily out of my hair, but for other people…not so much. Allura walked around with her hair tinted green for _ages_. She was pretty mad about it and she took her revenge today. Lance was late to the Lions, but only by a little. Allura punished him by throwing away his skincare. Hence the sobbing in the bathroom. I mean yeah Lance was a jerk but his skincare? He practically worships the stuff. I'm not saying I care about Lance, because I don't. Really. Shut up. But he didn't deserve this.

…

That doesn't mean I like him. It really doesn't. Shut up.

…

You know what? I'm going to go ask if he's okay. Cause I don't care if you think I like him or not. Cause I don't.

…

Fuck you.

Yellow!

So it turns out there were no planets under attack. It was just an excuse to find a way to throw away Lance's skincare supplies. Man, he got so red. I thought he was about to punch Allura right then and there. Normally I'd feel bad for him, but that food goo _stinks_ when it's stuck in your hair for long enough. He put it in my shampoo and my hair smelled like rotten eggs for weeks. Sorry Lance, but he's got to deal with this by himself.

Day 1: Later in the Afternoon

Oh my god. I have never seen something quite as hilarious in my life. Unfortunately I wasn't able to capture the entire scene, but I managed to get some. The whole voice typing thing isn't perfect yet, so it might be a _little confusing_. I'll put it below this.

OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU Lance please calm down it's just your skin- SHIRO HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH THINGS It's not like it's the end of the world YES IT IS I'M DOOMED MY PORES ARE SUFFERING AS WE SPEAK Allura that was kind of mean YES THANK YOU KEITH AT LEAST KEITH HAS MY BACK- PIDGE STOP LAUGHING IT'S NOT FUNNY

I'll try and update the voice typing so it's not so confusing.

Journal Entry #2

This is horrible. Lance is currently sobbing in the bathroom and plotting to avenge the death of his skincare products. Allura refuses to apologize and Pidge is just cackling as she types into her tablet?

Maybe I should go talk to Lance. Make him feel better.

Huh. It seems like Keith has got that covered. That's weird. Usually they're ready to kill each other but it seems as if now Keith is comforting him? Wow. Those team-bonding exercises work wonders. I have to remember to ask Allura to implement more of those into our training schedules.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

You know what? From now on, I refuse to speak a single word to anyone but Keith. He is _clearly_ the only reasonable person on this stupid ship!

Okay yeah, so maybe I'm still mad. What? It's justified! And the worst thing is, Allura isn't even apologizing! She just demanded we write in our diaries and didn't even look in my direction! SHE HAS RUINED MY SKINCARE AND NOW SHE HAS RUINED MY MORNING.

I'll get her back. Just you wait Allura. Doom is immininet. Imimnent. Immient. However you spell the freaking word!

Lance the One Who Shall Get His Revenge

Dear Book,

I'm kind of worried. Not about Lance if that's what you're thinking! Because I'm not. I'm just worried because of the team. Yes. The team. Because if Lance isn't happy it'll mess up the team.

Whatever.

But yeah. He's glaring into his food goo and keeps muttering "doom shall come" in an ominous tone.

Maybe he's in shock from losing his skincare products? I'll ask Coran about any Altean medicine we can use to help with that.

…this doesn't prove that I like Lance though. Because I don't.

Stupid Book.

Yellow!

Good morning!

…

Sorry, I can't really think about anything to say. No offense to you bud, but I'm only writing right now cause Allura demands mandatory team-bonding diary writing at random times. Today she waltzed into the room and said, "Paladins, it's a good time to write!"

We didn't get what she meant until Shiro sighed and said, "That means we should write in our diaries."

I didn't really want to, and from some of the others' faces, they didn't really want to either.

Oh good, she just left. Signing off now Yellow, but I'll write more the next time something eventful happens. Or the next time Allura demands it. Yeesh.

Actually, something interesting is happening now. Pidge is yelling at Shiro. Me and Lance are used to it, cause of the Garrison, but from what's happening now, Shiro isn't. Wow. I feel bad for the #1 Space Dad.

Wait. She's yelling at him because _he's_ the one who suggested this team bonding diary thing. I should've known! This has Shiro written all over it!

How could you Space Dad? How could you..

Day 2; too early in the fuckign morning screw you

aahjlwdnlcsjlnccclkna

Tired. stupid allura. she's makign us write it's too early i'm going to fall asleep in my food goo because of her do you seE WHAT SHE HAS DONE

You knowzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ugh i fell asleep. But shiro oh so kindly woke me up. U know what else? It wasn't allura! I'm sorry allura great space goddess i love you

PLOT TWIST IT WAS SHIRO IMMA FUCKIGN KILL THAT BITCH-ASS BAGUETTE

Journal Entry 3:

Maybe I shouldn't have suggested more team-building exercises. Nobody looks happy this morning. I imagine their notebooks are filled with negative emotions. How are we supposed to form Voltron like this?

Oh.

Hm.

That's weird. They seem to be blaming Allura for this. The right thing to do would be to admit it was my idea. The whole diary writing thing at ungodly hours of the morning. Then again, Pidge looks very scary this morning…

But morals.

…

Ugh. I'll tell them.

…

 _Horrible decision_.

Horrible horrible decision.

Currently regretting everything. Note to self: never get Pidge pissed at you this early in the morning.

Lance didn't even look up from his musings of how to take down Allura when I admitted it was my idea. Keith continued staring at Lance. Hunk looked incredibly betrayed.

And Pidge…

I mean I knew she wasn't a morning person but this is ridiculous.

She looked up from where she had been sleeping in her food goo and gave me the look of death, dark circles and all.

Pidge then proceeded to type furiously in her tablet, _still_ glaring at me.

Then she launched her plate of food goo at me. All of it. She screeched something about a "bitch-ass baguette" and something along the lines of "This is why people live with coffee!" (I'll need to talk to her about appropriate language usage in the Castle later. When she doesn't have her bayard on her.) (I'm also rather concerned about Lance. He looked up, grinned, and said "Baguettes! Just the thing I need!", before going back to his planning.) before nearly taking my eye out with a spoon.

And then she smiled. The demonic energy just… _evaporated_ away from her. She said, "Shiro! I feel so much more awake now. Thank you! Want to go practice? I'll meet you at the training room in 200 ticks. Don't be late."

…

Kind of scared to go train with her now to be honest. But a _true_ leader shows no fear on their face.

...Or food goo.

Yeah I'd better go wash off. And ask Coran or Allura to invest in space coffee.

Dear Diary,

You know, sometimes when you get Pidge (the traitor) and Hunk (traitor!) and Coran (Coran Coran the gorgeous man? MORE LIKE CORAN CORAN I BETRAY PEOPLE MAN) going on science stuff, it's awful. It's just a mess of a conversation full of sciency words no one understands.

So naturally, during our pleasant lunch of space goo, when they started talking science, my brain about froze over. In order to escape it, I decided it wouldn't hurt to follow the Write In Diary at Mealtimes With Team rule Allura (SKIN CARE PRODUCT DESTROYER, HAUNTER OF ALL PORES, THE ONE TRUE DARK LORD) (I think I should acronym it. SCPDHOAPTOTDL maybe?) newly implemented. Oh wait. It was actually SHIRO (Traitor Space Dad!). I knew it ALL ALONG. Well, once he told us I mean.

 _Anyways_

We are getting off topic. As I was saying earlier, they started talking science. And so here I am writing.

But I'm also plotting! (for the fall of Allura. Obviously, keep up with the times.)

It's a wonderful plan. No way it can fail!

Admittedly, it was hard at first. But I think the genius of Traitor 1, 2, and 3 is slowly seeping into my brain, because I have the most ingenitive plan! Ingeniutave. Inginuitive? What the quiznak? Why don't space diaries come with spell-check?

Ugh.

LANCE LANCE THE GORGEOUS PALADIN

Oh right also Keith is helping me with my super secret awesome plan. I don't think he knows he's helping me, but he's helping me.

Dear Book,

Before you say a word, I'm not freaking out. I'm not. I'm really not.

…

Never has silence sounded so sarcastic before. Well whatever. I just won't tell you.

…

…

Yeah okay I'll tell you. But for me! Not for you.

…

Why am I talking to a book?

Right, the story.

So we were eating food as usual. You know, food goo for lunch. And Pidge and Hunk and Coran were eagerly engrossed in a conversation about some space alien or another. So yeah that was fine whatever, you know? No. You don't know. You're a book.

But the point is, Lance was blanking out. Then his eyes light up. I mean. I wouldn't know that. I was. Um. Simply looking at Coran's plate which happened to _reflect_ Lance's eyes. Yes. That was definitely what happened.

Yeah so he looked like he got an idea. And he began furiously scrawling. And then he cackled and said, "Oh the wonders of the science traitors," and pretended to wipe away a tear. Then he caught me looking.

Did I say he caught me looking? He didn't. I was simply...staring. Yes, staring off in his direction. But not _at_ him.

Right, so he saw me looking. Not at him. And he smiles and says, "Want to go space-shopping with me when we get a chance?"

I'm about 99% sure I'm about to pass out at this point. But not because I like Lance or anything like that. Don't be silly.

Anyways, yeah, passing out. And he takes my silence as a yes and goes, "Awesome!"

Then he twirls away.

…

What the fuck.

…

This doesn't count as freaking out though. Because I'm not freaking out.

Wait. Oh no. I asked Coran for those shock medicines and he gave me some. But Lance just left! How am I supposed to give him them now? I mean he seemed fine just now…

But what about later? I don't know! I should've paid more attention in my classes at the Garrison! There's probably a procedure for this situation!

…

Alright, fine. I admit it.

 _Now_ I'm panicking.

Yellow!

Man. I had no idea aliens could be so fascinating! I mean, yeah they're aliens. But these aliens are like super-ultra cool! Coran's been telling me and Pidge about them, and man, I hope we never see them in real life. They've got pits of fire for eyes and chunks of ice for arms and legs. Isn't that cool? Haha, no pun intended. But their torsos and legs are logs. From trees. And the really scary ones can manipulate their bodies to attack people with them! Isn't that awesome? Awesomely scary, but still awesome!

You know, I'm going to make cookies that look like those aliens. I'll surprise Coran with them!

And some for the rest of the team, of course. Once Space Dad stops viciously attacking my mornings and Lance stops plotting, that is.

Actually, I'm also curious about something else. Think Pidge can make me a cookie-baking machine?

Day 2: Lunch Time

Missing Matt and my dad.

Hope they're having goo as good as the stuff Hunk makes, wherever they are.

Seriously, this stuff is _on point._ Bon app the teeth!

Also…

I realize I should probably apologize for my actions earlier. It was pretty awful, wasn't it?

In my defense, it was early. And I lacked coffee. I mean I went and apologized to Shiro already, but he still insists on wearing his armor to the table.

Pfft. As if I'll attack him with food goo or something ridiculous like that.

…

Oh wait…

Journal Entry 4:

Okay okay. I _know_ the team bonding diary thing was my idea, and I _know_ I should be participating.

And I am! I'm writing right now, aren't I?

It's just the team bonding part that's the problem.

I mean, it's not like I don't like the team. I love them. I'm the leader, after all. They're my family.

But uh, Pidge was pretty scary this morning. And it's not like I'm hiding from her. Which I'm not. It's just, I _value_ my face. And she nearly took my eye out with a spoon! So even if I was scared, which I'm not, I'd have a good reason.

It makes sense for me to hightail it out of there. Really.

…I hope we get space coffee soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Lance here again. My plan for The Fall of Allura is slowly coming together. Shiro said we could go to a nice planet and go shopping! I'll need to make a list and then I'll make Keith go with me so there's enough people to carry everything we need. I mean having the other paladins would be nice, but I think we've established that everyone except for Keith is incredibly evil and horrible and generally awful.

Huh. He's staring at me. Do I have something on my face?

Wait…

Do you think he can read minds?

Oh my god. What if he's staring at me because he can read minds and he knows I'm thinking about him?

Keith. If you can hear what I'm thinking, drop your spoon.

…

DIARY OH MY GOD

HE JUST DROPPED HIS SPOON

I HAVE TO ALERT EVERYONE

 _KEITH IS A MIND READERRRRRR_

I have to go! Maybe there's a limit to his mind reading? Wow! WE MUST EXPERIMENT

Lance nye the science guyyy

Dear Book,

Still haven't figured out how to give Lance his shock medicine. Spent a lot of time staring at him trying to figure out what to say. PURELY because I need to find a way to give the medicine to him. That's the only reason.

OH NO HE SAW ME

OH no he's looking back!

Okay Keith stay calm this is perfectly fine.

How do i make him stop looking at me?

I'll just drop my spoon and have to go pick it up! Yes then I won't have to maintain this eye contact!

…

Oh.

Lance just started screaming. He ran out of the room looking strangely terrified yet excited?

And all this because I dropped a spoon? Maybe it was his favorite spoon

Oh god what if I just dropped his favorite spoon on the ground and then he'll never forgive me because it was his favorite and I dropped it?

AND I STILL NEED TO GIVE HiM THE SHOCK MEDICINE  
My life is in shambles

Yellow!

So me and Pidge have been talking about this cookie machine. And I really think this could be a wonderful innovation. She says it could definitely be something that would brighten up team spirits, so Allura and Shiro wouldn't mind. Man, I'm so excited! And since we get to go shopping, this can totally get started soon! Who knows, maybe we could even market this! I mean it sucks that Lance is still mad at everyone (he's ignoring me. Me! His best friend!) but maybe this is just the thing we need to fix things!

Day 2: Dinner Time

Hunk has approached me about a cookie-baking machine. I know he's thinking of it for purely kind purposes but…

What if we had a cookie-shooting machine?

I mean I would pay to get a picture of someone shooting a cookie into Zarkon's face, but maybe that's just me.

In any case, I'll go get Hunk and make a list of what we'll need for the machine. And maybe buy a few extra parts, just in case…

Journal Entry 5:

Have asked Allura about space coffee. She said some could easily be procured from a market on a nearby planet. So guess who's going shopping?

Yup. Team Voltron.

Coran needs some parts for the ship anyways, so might as well right?

And maybe Lance will stop being mad when he's gotten a chance to get away from the rest of us for a bit. Though I will say he and Keith seem to have gotten awfully close lately.

Pretty amazing, right?

Dear Diary,

Okay, so I've decided to test this mind reading thing Keith's got going on. First I got really close to him, like super close. Like I could see every individual eyelash. He just got super red and started stuttering a lot. No response at all to what I was thinking. I was thinking "Give me a peace sign if you hear this," by the way. I guess it doesn't work when you stand super close. It wasn't a complete failure though. We ended up hugging, and Keith actually isn't terrible at that. Pretty nice.

After I finish breakfast, I'll think thoughts at least three rooms away from Keith. Maybe I'll ask one of the Traitors for help, for maximum efficiency.

Dear Book,

AHHHhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LANCE HUGGED ME.

He got really close and I could see tiny specks of gold in his eyes and his eyelashes were fluttering and they were super long and I could smell him and he smelled like the ocean and then he hugged me!

It surprised me so much I didn't get a chance to apologize for the spoon or give him the shock medicine.

…

Wait.

He ran away afterwards. I didn't see him until now, at dinner, and he was too busy scribbling to talk.

Oh no.

Am I a bad hugger?

What if I'm so terrible at hugs he couldn't stand it and then that's why he had to run away?

Oh great.

Yellow!

Pidge gave me some sketches of what she envision for our cookie machine. I showed her my list of parts and she said she thought they were good for what the machine would require, but I don't remember including a gun in my list? Because there was very clearly a blaster in the sketch she gave me.

Oh she said that was a different thing. That's great Pidge. But… I'm pretty sure it very clearly said "Cookie" at the top?

…

Probably better not to ask.

Day 3: Breakfast

You know, I'm very glad Shiro took my suggestion to have Team Breakfasts at a later time. It's done wonders for my mood.

I should also mention Mission Cookie-gun is a go. I think Hunk suspects my plans, but for now, I think he won't protest. I accidentally showed him my cookie-gun sketches instead of the ones for his baking-machine, but he just said, "Nope, not gonna ask. Not today, nope," to himself.

You know, think I heard Shiro say something similar to that during his conversation with Keef. Wonder what he said that was so stupid?

Journal Entry 6:

Keith just asked me if I knew a place who could provide hugging lessons. I should've just stayed with the Galra who captured me.


End file.
